mycreation

A Home So Old

2010-03-15T22:57:00.000+05:30

A time comes, even the sun gets cold
a time comes, even new gets old
What if the moon twinkles, far, far away
What if the evening gives you a new day

If hatred and lust and chaos are lost!
Would we achieve a world we must?
If fear’s driven away, if envy’s dead!
Would we achieve a liveable world ahead?

Some questions; I seek some answers to them
my dreams, my wishes; who am I to blame?
Imaginations; it did never hurt myself
so I wondered and wandered, I dreamed with no help!

The sun was gone, it was dark and cold
the moon grew old, heavy, it fell below
the earth; so shattered, in pieces it flew
and life was a wonder, a rarity; so few!

Or was this one true? The sun glows gold
the moon was silver, as pale and as cold
the stars twinkled, the sky was blue
the earth it moved with lives so new!

These were dreams I saw, my fear, my good
my imaginations; may be they fell with my mood!
My wish; never these, but I wish for a world
A world of lives, a home so old!

You!!

2010-01-18T23:09:00.001+05:30

In memories of you, my eyes bleed in tears
I, a humble servant of beauty
Washed out like a sea-shore
The tides of love now drown me!
Oh Lucy!! Oh Mary! Oh love of my life!
Don’t haunt me, don’t hunt me, and don’t craze me a naive
A gentle hug, a soft caress, a kiss, out in a dream
A realm of love, a heaven above, a dream it ought to be!

Now my bleeding eyes, my bleeding soul,
They all search for thee
And in this life I saved my breath
But breath was short to be!

My life burns out, my days are gone
With the kiss of time, my fate’s sealed
I’ll take you then, oh angel sane, I shall so make it divine
A love shall rise, in the heavens above; I’ll make a holy shrine

And my bleeding eyes, my bleeding soul,
They all search for thee
And in this life I saved my breath
But breath was short to be!

Random Thoughts (Patriotism)

2010-01-14T21:57:00.000+05:30

(it's not about parting from your home country, people wanna be free, you can't just claim people!!) and i didn't say don't love your country but don't let this love blind you!!

I love my country too!! But i don't like my country claiming things that it may or may not own!! history is different and History can not always be the present or the future!! Sometimes History becomes a STORY!!

(I wrote both of these!! LOL!!)

A long time ago!!

2010-01-10T22:42:00.001+05:30

God is never to be found if searched for, for God is truth if you believe and God is faith if you possess

The strings of my heart!

2009-10-26T22:49:00.001+05:30

The strings of my heart have shredded to pieces!
The remnants of my past haunt me!
In the fields, in the meadows...
A soft mellow plays on
Shattered...my heart plays on!
By the riverside, I hear you call!
Recollecting my memories, tryin' not to fall!

A dead....dear rose!!!

2009-10-26T22:48:00.002+05:30

She gifted me a dead rose yesterday! I was too confused of what to do or say! I kept it but couldn’t ask why, why a DEAD ROSE? I thought I might hurt her.
But she did! She asked,
“Don’t you wanna know why a dead rose…..!!!??”

I nodded!

“My life was already yours. Tonight I just gifted you my afterlif! Keep it safe. In life I was yours and from now on this rose represents that in death too no one can take me away from you! In life and death I am yours, always yours!”

Lifetime of Solitude...

2009-09-03T14:42:00.002+05:30

There are people who easily make friends but do less to harness what they have sown....
They come as easy as a breeze but are hard to forget....
As swift they come and a violent memory they leave....
In gratitude they give you another lifetime of solitude....!

The Stars are Falling...!

2009-09-03T14:41:00.000+05:30

The stars are falling, broken apart....
Though it's beautiful, I can't have them fall....
And yet they fall, don't know who forces them to....!
Fallen, broken, recklessly forgotten.......

I don't want it to happen; I can't have them fall....!
Just like me, vanishing as if never there...!
Yet they fall apart, crushed and collapsed, wiped away....
A trail of white light's all that follows their way...
The stars are falling, broken apart....
Though it's beautiful, I can't have them fall....

In every piece, people seek their luck....
Wishing their bliss when someone, something's dead....!
The stars are falling...., "Look! Falling stars...!"
"Let's wish our luck....who cares they're apart!"
The stars are falling, broken apart....
Though it's beautiful, I can't have them fall....

Lost in the void they call the 'SPACE'.....
All blank and null....an empty place.....
No twinkling, no shining, no glittering anymore....
"Look!” they say, "let's wish for more!"
The stars are falling, broken apart....
Though it's beautiful, I can't have them fall....

But who cares that I care what happens there...
It can't be changed; no one cares to mourn here...
The stars die, and I wish I could cry...
"I can't have them fall..!"....No….! It’s a lie...
How could I stop, how more I cry...
They fall apart, they break and die...
Nothing lasts forever….that’s what they say...
That's the nature, that's the way...
And yet they fall, don't know who forces them to....!
Fallen, broken, recklessly forgotten.......and so,
I wish they rest, far away better than any...
Those broken stars, those who fell away....
The stars are falling, broken apart....
Though it's beautiful, I can't have them fall....
The stars are falling, broken apart....
Though it's beautiful, I wish they wouldn't fall....
I just wish.... they wouldn't fall....!

In Dilemma!

2009-06-16T10:15:00.001+05:30

“What am I supposed to do? Should I be following my beliefs, my thoughts or should I believe what this reality shows me. My conscience does not make any difference; my consciousness does not seek any difference and my righteousness foresees no hindrance. I have created my values, my norms, my rules and my own regulations but, why care for the society to either follow or deny few or all of them. If I just begin following my belief, I would be obsessed with a realm of complete fantasy but happiness would be unbounded while on the other hand, if I defy my principles, deny my own rules, I got to live by the rules of this reality which will always bring me pain and sufferings; more of which I have never seen and never wish to see.”

I used to think, “Man! Why in the world have I got these issues huh? What’s the matter with me? Am I the only one like this?” and mark my word when I say, I literally used to think that I am the only one this weird in this big, round planet we live in! Man! What a fool I was! I really used to think that I was some kind of a great writer depicting his thoughts in stories and poems and essays. But, truth has its way, doesn’t it? It’s just that it may never be always on the way we expect it to be! (I totally stole this line! Hahahaha! Isn’t this funny?)

Wait a second! I forgot something. I was…um………well not that great but somehow a big fan of the anime series ‘Dragon Ball Z’ and whenever I used to get angry….i just thought…
“Wait you all…just wait for your doom…one day I will just destroy you all with a blow of my ‘Kamehameha’ (a projectile of giant energy wave thrown away by the hero of the series.)” Just think how stupid I could have been and to make it worse I was 18! Isn’t this funny too! And let me inform you all, at the time I was writing this I was 19 years, 6 months, 5 days and 2 hours old….( God knows how many minutes, seconds, nanoseconds, picoseconds and so on and on had passed!)

Okay! I guess it’s time to get back to the track or else they would throw me out of the race... (Lol…! What a dumb phrase I have created…) Anyways, where was I…Oh yes! I was talking of some sort of wisdom thing wasn’t I? Oh yeah! I was talking about my confusion and my fears…….! I was kind of confused of what to believe and what to follow?

I……had a dream…A dream where all of us lived in harmony………. (Man! I ain’t Mr. Luther King, am I? So, I guess I got to skip the speech part…) Anyways I thought why not be an alchemist? Turn metals to gold….Wow! That would be awesome wouldn’t it be? No worries, talk to the wind…or the sun…even talk to the clouds… (Well a slight glimpse of ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho.) But, this dream of mine had a short commercial in between so that I could entangle myself with other nonsense. But the commercial break ended up with a bang and in my series of dream it introduced few new concepts……..sorcery, alchemy, atheism, agnosticism, polytheism, witchcraft, wizardry and so on and on and on…….Just they would never stop. I began hallucinating about things, arguing with myself of whether did they exist…or not! Was it good to follow one of them? But I never had an answer.

Now, as I come to think of it…..either I must be still dreaming or I must really have at least some logical explanation for any one of these that I believed but damn it! I was already confused of what I believed and what should I believe? Okay! let’s do this then….
“Just add a few bits of sodium in few drops of chlorine and what we get is sodium chloride….well this is something we can prove. But, someone comes to me and says, kiddo let’s go…or else Indra would get angry or Jesus is waiting, or something like that what am I supposed to do?”

I can’t deny it but neither can I accept it! That’s the point where I and many like me create a realm, where everything that exists is known by us! This becomes so interesting, so beautiful, and so seductive (not talking about sexual seduction though in some it may exist) that very few of us want to open our eyes. These experiences create a lifelong existing overwhelming experience of something that does feel like reality but can’t be found around! But seeking for it nobody sees no harm nor do any of us feel reluctant. And confusion arises such that you, me or any of us in no way want to believe that nothing’s certain. What we believe could be real…….well at least there is a possibility with a logic that even for a rumor to be carried away some characters must be present, some incidents has had to happen! And these few knowledge as stated ‘Little Knowledge is Dangerous’ prove this very statement completely true………and though we believe in something completely uncertain, there are lot of other commonly accepted things that have remained uncertain for ages and will be for eternity…these few bits of knowledge could do a great deal of things and mark my word when I say this……

So, I ended up with contradicting myself, jumping out of one topic to another just reaching nowhere yet grasping to something unseen….. (Just kidding!). Well, whatever’s been stated are some personal experiences not to be entangled with. And these are really some serious issues too!

Nothing Much!

2009-05-04T19:12:00.001+05:30

The philosophy of Life is the reality of Death

I'm Writing!

2009-04-16T16:30:00.000+05:30

Months have passed since I ran my pen over the smooth edges of a paper. It feels like I have forgotten the essence of writing. The incense of ink has disappeared from my fingers. I have left my pen dead.

Now, as I try to remember the moments of inscribing those letters on a paper, as I try to remember those days when I used to scribble those senseless words to form some petty sentences and I remember, how hard I tried to find some sense in them and momentarily I did find something there.

But, those days are gone. Engulfed by laziness, blinded by the mist of arrogance and foolishness, I have lost what I had. How hard I try to write something, all I do is scribe some benumbed words. My momentary sleep has turned to a dreadful slumber, my blurred visions have left me within a maze all lost in chaos.

I can’t do spells, I can’t do charms, I cannot bewitch those cherished moments of mine to return back. The virtual walls of perils and threats and thrills that I enjoyed lying to everyone about has literally imprisoned me leaving me a prisoner inside my own most dreaded nightmare.

In the Tavern of Life

2009-02-17T12:04:00.001+05:30

In the Tavern of Life
I ordered some Meal
Knowledge, right besides me
Stood there on his heel

I saw Death stare right at me
Oh! And Sickness was there smiling
And how could I forget Sorrows there
With Happiness was he dining

I looked around, I saw Clocks
Of all sorts, Broken and New
I even saw bowls and spoon
And leftovers the guests threw

Confusion came to me, looked at me instead
He called upon Temptation for some compliment
On seeing that Anger came running there
I saw Greed pull up his sleeve for a comment

Love sat distressed, hatred catching her hands
Respect was there running around chased by attitude
Fear ran on top chasing Good and Satisfaction
Lust was content, Sex sat there nude

At last came my Meal
Soup of Souls, Spirits for Drink
Those all weird faces staring at me
I hurried and walked away

-By: Ashish Bhandari

A Love Letter

2009-02-16T12:44:00.004+05:30

My Love,

I cannot pluck the stars or drop the moon for you, for I live in a real world and those are just fantasy. All I can do is love you and just love you. When I'm with you, I don't care if the world is round or flat, when I'm with you my love, I don't care if its dusk or dawn, I just don't care about anything except you.........all I care is about you. Every beat of my heart now reminds me of you, every breath of my soul speaks of you now, my thoughts worship you and I simply love you. If you are with me I don't care if I have to walk on fire or a blade. I can forget pain for you, I can forget fear if you say, I can even forget my shadow just for you but I promise never will I forget you. You mean everything to me; you just mean more than this world to me.

My dear, you are the love that I've known, you're the wealth that I've earned. You have become my soul, you've become my life. There is no moment that I stay void of your thoughts, my heart is never void of love for you, but without you, my dear, I'm all hollow, I'm just empty.

You are now the light that shines upon me, you are now the sweetest dream that I see, and you are everything to me. If I'm an emperor then my empress you are, if a king I be, you're my graceful queen, you are the part of everything I'd got, everything I've got.

Your beauty reminds me of an angel, you remind of the queen of angels, I feel you are! If you are the water of a river, I wish I were the rocks beneath, if you are the waterfall then I wish I were the ground below to break your fall, catching you, hugging you, touching you all my life. Your soothing touch, loving, vulnerable, caring one, I wish it to last for ever. Your sweet fragrance now fills my world, the light from you starts my dawn and when you are away I feel left all alone in the dark. What would I do without you!

Oh dear! I want to confess my love for you; will you be there for me? I'd never let you down. If you are stuck, I'd be the stairs if need it be, I'll even be your shoes to walk on, I'd be an umbrella to shade you, hide you from the cruel sun, protect you from the thunders, I'd just be always there for you. Your smile means a world to me, I would never let your tears flood them away, I'll never let anything happen to you for you're my world. I'm ready to live for and die for you. I don't care if the world disgusts me for you love me, I don't care if the world hates me, shuns me, for all I care is for you and you are there for me, for you're my world. I love you, I love you more than this world, I love you more than anything I could have or I had, I just love you more than anything. I simply just love you dear, I simply love you!

-By: Ashish Bhandari

Oh! Dear...................Be my valentine!

2009-02-16T12:37:00.003+05:30

This is the first ever article that i ever wrote on the topic of love................. it may be bad or just could be worse but i just wrote it and i don't regret doing it..
and all i want from the readers is few comments. thank you..
here it goes.............

Would you be my valentine if i ask you to be?
Would you.......... be my valentine if i ask you to be?
Would you be my love, for I love thee!
Oh dear! It was then, when I first saw you there
My eyes; they were stunned of the beauty you'd shared
Oh! My love!......I ask you again, I humbly plead with thee
Would you be my valentine if i ask you to be?

My heart may be stone but it melted just for you
My heart, it may be stone but it melted...for you
My words may be bitter, but my feelings I share true
Would you please be my valentine if I ask you to be?
Would you be my valentine for I'm pleading you to be!

My love! Would you come to me, would you please....please be here
Oh dear.......! I promise.................I promise I'll be there
Please.........! I plead, I beg you on my knees
Oh dearest one........! Be my valentine for I'm pleading you to be

Don't you please let me down! You’re the beat of my heart
Don't you please run away for you're the breath of my soul
You're my life, you're my dream, you're everything I know
You're my sun, you're the moon, and you’re the light that I know
You're the stars that i gaze upon; you're the love I know
You're my life, you're my soul, and I just want you to be
Would you be my valentine for I'm pleading with thee
I love you!!! It’s true, I'd say it a thousand time
Oh dear! I plead......I beg you........please be my valentine!
Oh dear! I plead........please be my valentine!

-By: Ashish Bhandari

In the Realm of My Senseless World

2009-02-09T12:02:00.001+05:30

It all began 9 years ago; I was just a small kid then. All I wanted was to create anything. I just went on opening anything I could get, attaching anything I had and breaking everything I could. Suddenly, one fine day, my eyes fell upon a dust covered book. It was all dirty and unclear; I couldn’t read the title. Shrugging my shoulders, nodding at nothing, I laughed and threw the book away. I thought that I didn’t have enough time to read a book. I thought it was just a mere waste of time.

Later that night, I felt sort of uneasy, I felt as if I had forgotten something of a great importance, I felt as if I had committed a mistake unforgivable, as if I had become a sinner in this world. I woke up as if automatically, turned on the lights and then looked at every nook and corner of my room just to find the same old, dusty, senseless book.

I cleared the dust to reveal a golden title
‘Alice in Wonderland’. I smiled, then, I had to take one giant leap to the realm of the book. I opened it and started; each page just pulling me inside, to its world. I began imagining the situations of growing small and big, getting lost in nowhere, meeting up with talking cats and so on and on and on.

It was an entirely different experience; as if I had entered another world. I just couldn’t stop reading, I kept on and on. I was so into it that I finished reading it within a span of time. Then came a shock of re-entering into reality. Such sadness I remembered, boredom, sleeplessness, stress, everything seemed so distasteful.

I wanted to go back to my fantasy. I just couldn’t stand it. I tried hard to imagine, I forced myself to dream awake and thus it began; “My Realm of a Senseless World”.

I was never alone after that time, I was never lonely. Every time I had a companion, a confidante, a friend, a caretaker with me; myself. I could do anything there, I was never messed up, I never had to cry, never be sad.

If ever I wished to fly, I had wings to soar high
If ever I wished to swim, I had fins to dive in
I ever I wished to roar, I was a lion to adore
If ever I wished to sing, I was the nightingale’s king

It was perfect a perfect happy world. I could go on changing myself. I could jump whenever I wanted to wherever I wanted to, I could cry out loud or just shout high, I could beat the villains with just a wave of my fingers, I could tremble the world with just a blow of my breath. Everything could be done but none with some sense in it.

There was no war, no fights, just peace and prosperity. In rivers there flowed not blood, from clouds it rained the sweetest of waters but no acid, the sun sang in harmony, the birds flew smooth, it was just perfect.

What gold was there that I wanted but didn’t get. It was all mine. It was my world, my realm, my kingdom; no intervention, no interference, it just persisted with heavenly silence and humanly peace. It's all there in the realm of my senseless world.

RANDOMIZED LIFE

2009-01-25T13:11:00.000+05:30

I have seen things, same things the rest of us see but don’t know why I feel everything about them differently. They seem to rouse my curiosity a different way. Sometimes I wonder, “Do all of us think of everything the same way I do or is it something different?” as I pass by things and again a strange sensation hits my heart. And suddenly a common but rather childish explanations appears to me, “Of course not. Not everyone can think the same way and if they could all of us would be the same.” “Well”, I thought, “that explains it half way but….” I really wish I could go on a journey to my ‘self’ as they call it. I could have done anything for that. But my life was not only entangled in these few problems.

I thought and thought, that’s what I always do. I could never come to definite conclusions to anything. Whatever I thought became a conspiracy within. My own thoughts contradicted themselves as if fighting each other. My life became ruled by chaos and in turn I began to get more and more suspicious each day. I even began to doubt the very words that fell from my own mouth, I had learnt that either complete experience or complete inexperience is what makes you suspicious but what was the reason for me? Then I had a kind of an explanation, that the world was partly responsible for this. Whenever I walked around someone was saying something, that forcing me to think back in return whether it was true or just a hoax. Some people even did that to amuse themselves by seeing me get confused. They thought that I was kind of insane, not normal!

“Foolish people, they even laugh at their own doom. I know it; they wouldn’t even know what to do if they are confronting their own end. The world has never been tired of complaining about terrorism but the terrors that arise in the name of religion, in the name of ethics, in the name of castes and in the name of sex, these are never even accounted as violence. Some say these are mere sacrifice to build a better world and some say it a good deed indeed. This is what brings terrorism to life; it is the mother of all violence. Well that explains………………………….” I thought again for myself.

I hated this world; I truly hated it the most until I saw something that made me have the greatest transformation. Though it was only a small shift in my feelings but it was a great change within me.

Before I wished I could destroy every living bit on this planet but right now that was not the quest for me. I wanted to know why people laughed at me, why they thought me insane but yet again that was not my present quest. My present quest was to find out my true self but didn’t know what, how and when to do anything about it.
I have seen people just discard sum of money just saying that it is very less and shameful or something of that sort for them but at the same time I have seen a whole lot of people who desperately wait just to view the glistening shine of a 1 Rupee coin, for them the shine’s worth a lifetime but for the rest it’s just a worthless coin and some even throw it as though it’s some sort of crap. What sort of world is this that some just get drown in the pool of sufficiency and some get starved of insufficiency but finally none survive the rule of nature. But get equally; exactly what they deserve and what’s in reserve for them.

Well at that moment I wished to laugh; laugh at myself and laugh at the world. I wanted to look in a mirror and point to the virtual image of myself and just stat laughing at it all along. I just wished to look in the mirror and point at the guy within it and just start talking to him on and on asking questions about his foolish deeds:

“Hey aren’t you the one who went all the way he could (just a few inches I think) to seek for the dark arts of magic? Aren’t you the one for whom a mere sight of a disappearing star was some kind of heavenly illusion, some kind of magic but not just a mere sight of a falling star or something like that? Aren’t you the one who thought that travelling with the double velocity of light in a rotational motion in presence of some obscure electromagnetic field would result in ‘TIME TRAVEL’? Aren’t you the one who thought that we all beings produce some anti-gravitational field which is greater in case of birds so they can fly instead of simply accepting the scientific fact that birds have hollow bones, lighter body and wings that enable them to fly? Aren’t you the one who believed that all life is being controlled by some unknown, unseen life force within the beings and controlling these forces would enable you to control superhuman abilities and so on?..........................................”

Well these are just the few questions I wanted to blab on just watching the mirror; watching myself as the virtual self. But then, as sudden as a desert storm, I sort of realized something. Though these facts seem to be too much than just hypothetical but yet they had something that I couldn’t deny about.

Then I went on hysterically about myself on and on “was I right all the time or everything I do is just a mistake??” I just couldn’t do anything but laugh. I laughed and choked and laughed again, I laughed as if I had had never ever had a chance and never will I ever get another. I laughed as if I was just born to laugh and that I found my purpose. I laughed as if I was the God of laughter. I just wanted to laugh at everything, laugh at myself, laugh at the computer on my desk, laugh at the mobile in my hand, laugh at the TV in the next room, laugh at my bed and even I wanted to call all of my friends and just laugh at them. It was as if I had gone crazy.

But it didn’t last long. The lights went off.” Oh! Shit power shedding and what was I supposed to do??” well I decided to go up to the terrace and just roam and roam around and that was exactly what I did until something caught my eyes. There was a star, a bright, shiny, yellow star, just a little speck in the sky, which suddenly grew in size and brightness and just disappeared. “Wow” I thought, “What the hell was that.” Well that was my new quest; I had forgotten what my previous quest was. Well but who cared?

I thought and thought, “Was that a supernova, or just an illusion? Was it some kind of falling star? Or was it some type of symbol of destruction the heaven had sent?” Now there I went ridiculous, I knew, so what I did was that I bit myself hard enough. The whole night I went on about my own ridiculous theories of omen and science and that even continued in my dream. Well, but the next morning had another surprise waiting g for me.

My friends came and just distracted me from my thoughts for a moment but they planted a new seed into the barren lands of my brain. They wanted me to go with them to search for some ridiculous volunteering opportunities; well I had nothing to lose so I did agree. We went on and on and incidentally, opportunities knocked. We were called for an evening session of volunteering for two months but my friends were busy and I was free, then I decided to go. What happened there is another story but I’ll say what happened there so out of ordinary, it could just be mu illusion, but I saw it.

Well I was walking back home, it was six in the evening of a cold day. I was enjoying a song and as soon as I just crossed a temple and just moved on, I noticed a beautiful girl right in front of me. She had long hairs and though it was cold, she was in a skirt. “Wow!”, I though, she’s hot and well she doesn’t feel cold. I laughed again though silently within myself only. Well she kept on moving, I was on the other side of the road and she was right in my view, right ahead of me though. Then suddenly something strange happened; the image of the girl began to fade, and what I saw below………..damn, I thought I had gone nuts. There was a dog where the girl had been. She was right there and she disappeared. Damn, damn it!!

Now I was kind of afraid, kind of shocked.” Was I dreaming?”, I asked myself, but no it was not a dream. Now it again distracted me to just fall for the famous Hindu hypothesis that ‘Dogs are the last stage of someone’s life before he gets the human form.’ Damn, that was weird

Well that’s all up to today of my randomized life. Well I cry sometimes and sometimes I laugh but most what I do is just get confused and distracted, just randomly.

MENTAL INTRUSIONS

2009-01-25T13:10:00.000+05:30

I can’t think, Oh Shit! What’s wrong with me?

No pain, no fears, what’s this? I can’t feel

My eyes, Oh! My vision, it’s blurred too

But my ears, no! I hear voices, terrible, what to do?

Leave me alone, you can’t enter! It’s not your world

Let go off me! Please, I want to feel free and bold

Who are you? I beg you, show yourself now

Invasion over my realm, that, I can’t allow

My mind isn’t any territory, you simply slip in

My mind isn’t just another kingdom, you come and invade

Darn you! Whomsoever you are, you’d regret this

I shall fight, defend myself until my last bits

“Why do you fear me now”, the intruder spoke

“I am you, your lost part, was buried inside you.”

“You can’t deny me or provoke me to leave.”

“And if you do so, I promise you won’t just conceive!!”

A VOLUNTEERING EXPERIENCE

2008-11-03T13:40:00.000+05:30

I was going to volunteer; mad I didn’t know what I was thinking. What a waste of time! Was I mad or something like that? I must have been out of my mind. Well or maybe it was the greed for certificates that made me think so. I just passed my 12^th grade, what else could I think of? I wanted a well managed education and I just saw that chance abroad, not here! And I heard that a volunteering certificate could make it a lot easier for getting a scholarship. I just wanted certificates; as many as I could collect.

Then I went on for it. I attended the orientation of National Youth Service of Youth Initiative, a volunteering program and also a volunteering platform. Even there, I was just concerned about a certificate and I just kept wondering when the presenters will jump to the certificate part. Well they did obviously and at the end I just registered myself for some opportunities if they came along! No sooner I got a call from them and there was my chance to just pile some certificates, I mean that’s what I thought then!

I met with the presenters as they had called me for confirmation and a sort of counseling. My job was to go to the ‘Community Learning Center’ of Naga Tole, Pulchowk, Lalitpur and help the kids there with their homework and ECA for at least two months with 2 hours of service per day from 5p.m. to 7 p.m. each day excluding Saturdays.

I thought to myself, “That’s it! That’s all I got to o. seems to be easy.”

But who knew what lay ahead. The problem that I faced was that I was alone so I just convinced mu friend too with those words of a certificate. He was finally ready to join. We went for the first day and it was obviously an awkward situation. I just kept staring at the ducks enjoying as they themselves were enjoying their world on a patch of grass. It made me think a lot, suddenly disturbed by one of my new student. She approached and began asking some mathematics question and just kept me busy. This was the first day but the next day I got mixed in their group. It was fun I do admit but I hated children so, it was not that fun.

Days passed on, me and my friends getting closer to students day by day and suddenly a storming change approached me without a warning and surely an incident was responsible. It was ‘Teachers Day’ and unexpectedly we were in for a surprise. They celebrated the day as if we were someone great, a leader, a family to them. I just couldn’t help myself; I mean the respect they showed me and my friend I had never ever loved or respected anyone so much. It just hit my heart, my heart cried silently.

Whole night I kept on thinking, “What had I done to get that respect? Did I really deserve it?” I just couldn’t think of anything I went blank with every seconds. And that was not all that was waiting. Their exams came and ended and finally it was time for their results. At that day a kid, one of my students, he came around me, sat down and handed me his report card with a sort of a compliment that made me stare speechless and proud…..

“Sir, because of you I have passed my exams and look I have come second”

For him it was just a small sharing but for me it was something I never expected. “Did I really do it?” I didn’t know but each second I was changing and one more day came and it entirely changed my thoughts as if flushed away, as if blown away by a hurricane. One of the students as she was doing her homework she suddenly stopped looking at me she said………

“Sir, if you weren’t there then what would have happened to us! We could have been the worst. I hope you won’t leave us sir!! Please don’t leave and even if you do find us someone just like you!” with a big smile and hopeful eyes.

I was again speechless and I just wished I could cry or something like that but none could happen. I just smiled back with a heavy heart, I don’t know why? And since that day my view of volunteerism has changed. I no longer wanted just a certificate, but that place, those kids; they taught me something they didn’t realize. They taught me that the world is always short of help. Happiness I gained but not through things I had expected to gain from but just form a bunch of kids who showed what happiness meant, though they didn’t even realize that.

These are just a few moments of my experience and it has happened nowhere far but within the country, within the valley, with a proud kid who once thought that no one can be happy and volunteering; well it’s just for certificates. Well finally he learnt it’s a lot more than that!

-Ashish Bhandari

MODERN NEPAL...........OR IS IT SO......???

2008-05-29T08:34:00.000+05:30

Doubt waits everywhere. Everywhere I go, suspicion is what waits! I cannot even blackball the fact how they have bewitched the so called Modern Nepali society. Politics; a term, a subject it has become of confusion, conspiracy and bribery. Belief, faith and trust have long lost their way in a deep maze of doubt and chaos. Well somebody once said, “When you are in doubt be silent”. But even silence is suspicious here.

Everywhere, the talks of the constituent assembly, election, 7-party alliance, the Maoists and so on and on and on. Suddenly from nowhere something happens, prices raise and the talks change, talks raise to rage, to demonstrations and rally, murderous conspiracy, hoax, plots and traps they all take birth and so called the modern citizens fall under the traps knowing not what they do, where they go! Our country has become a doodle; a doodle whose meaning is a restless one, you can do anything. Everyone has their own way of expression yet expressing nothing.

Sweet talks and sweets, people are after them, not after their future. People are completely void of this thought. “Too many cooks do have spoiled the broth” in our country, nothing is stable and yet no one is to blamed for mistake is of all. No proper co-operation, no proper relation exists between people as well with the government and who is to be blamed, well no one. But yet each blames the other and keep watching; doing nothing as if nothing has happened; doing bloody nothing.

Government tax and revenue disappears as if an illusion, loans and donations vanish as if by magic and in prestige comes more hoax and conspiracy within. All eyes have been blindfolded one way or the other, all ear dumb, people feel themselves but fail to feel the unity. Hands are cut before they are joined, eyes poked before vision, tongues cut before words pronounced, fingers sliced and chopped before raised, legs broken before steps, hearts attacked before feelings, brains tumor before thoughts and even water and air poisoned with fear and doubt. It is all that remains: fear, doubt and chaos, yet people forget to think again though they know, but consulate themselves with blames to the rest. This is Nepal or should I say, Modern, Liberal, Free, New Nepal or………………….is it so?

BY:- ASHISH BHANDARI

THOGHTS OF TRAVELLING THROUGH TIME

2007-10-29T10:02:00.003+05:30

Who says that traveling through time is impossible? We are right now traveling in time; every moment we spend we travel further in time. And according to Newton’s third law of motion, if it be completely true, we must be able to travel backwards in time. The law states “to every action there’s an equal but opposite reaction.”, and in this case the passage of time is the action and we leaving behind the moments, the memories and our aspects of life is the reaction. Every moment we go further in the plane of time, we are leaving backwards some memory of ours, our life components and our life too. So what if it could be reversed? What if we have something for the future, that could be the action and what reaction I expect is the backward traveling of time.

Even Lechatelier’s principle states that in equilibrium, any change would shift the equilibrium so as to minimize the effect of change. Applying it, suppose we and time are in supposition a equilibrium, Time gives us the path, the way and we leave behind our memories, our prints, and our past and I suppose there exists a dynamic equilibrium between these, what if I obtain this relation;

Here as present always remains unknown and unchanged I presume it acts as a catalyst and I state this equilibrium with the worlds’ view that the past reveals the future and what if I change the future the past has to change but present remains intact and what could make it possible? Well that is the difficulty।

Ok! I just talked a lot in words and now lets speak some science. Everyone of us, almost everyone of us, have been going around with a watch to know what time, what we do, but does anyone know what time is? Some say time is the interval between two incidents but incidents vary so does that mean time varies? It can’t be so!

Let me take an example,
“Say there is a small ball between two points. I roll it over from one point to the other and note the times that the longest hand of my watch ticks. Suppose it was 5 times, we say the ball took 5 seconds to complete the incident. But if I roll it again, slowly and so called the time comes to about 10 seconds, what do we say? Same incidents but different time, isn’t that amazing.”

And I say time is a dependent facto, it depends upon something. It is running but something is making it run.

Now we exactly are taking reference for our time from the motion of earth। The earth rotates and revolves giving us our so called time and we accept it. So there is some relation between the earth and time. Is it the gravitational pull that effects time or is it the suns pull or bla bla bla bla……………………………
Well leave these big things right at their places, I don’t have time for them.

We know from science that every element, every compound, every molecule exists in three different forms: positive, neutral and negative. So I feel that time too has three different phases. The present is neutral, the past was if negative the future be positive and vice versa and even I see more possibility of similarity.

As in the resonating compounds like chlorobenzene, due to the fluctuating structure, unstability of the molecule arises and a stable hybrid structure is developed. So is time. Right now we are living in the hybrid time, but if we could isolate the exact resonating time, and if a condition is obtained to account its stability, time travel I suppose is gained.

Let’s forget everything I have said and just take the matter simply.
If in every case we can turn back from where we go, shy can’t we do the same in case of time? This is my question for which I am seeking an answer.

For a single destination, various paths can be allotted but a single path can be chosen at one instant by a single person and for me time is that path. What if I get bored in the middle of my journey and decide to take another path. There has to be connections between the paths or I must return to the starting and take the other one or simply a bridge to join them could be connected. Who needs Heisenberg’s principle for that just ignore it I don’t say to know the exact momentum or the position of the electrons? I just need the god damn position.

I am not a perfect scientist, not even a scientist to use the complicated versions of mathematics and physical relations to devise a device or a formula for this purpose. I just had a thought and I fought with my pen and brought it on the papers. That’s all.

BY- ASHISH BHANDARI